The Saga of Saving Christine
by No Longer a Phan
Summary: When Phantom, Christine and Raoul are transported th Nerd High, It'i up to Erik and an unlikely friend to save Christine from the Phans. Funny. WARNING: EXTREMILY SNARKY TO ALL PHANS, BUT REMEMBER THIS IS ALL OUT OF AFFECTION PLAYFULL TEASING.


Wild Nights: Erik was-

Phans: NOOO! DISCLAIMER!

Wild Nights: Whatev. Erik was-

Phans: RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!

Wild Nights: OK OK OK! Jeeze… Not mine

Phans: Thank you.

Wild Nights: SPAZ!

…

Narrator: Erik was mucking around in the Opéra Populaire, when…

Everything: BZZCHT

Phantom: WAA!

Everything: (empty school house silence)

Phantom: Whoa. Where am I?

Sign: I'm right here, stupid.

Phantom: _Stuyvesant High school_- you mean that NERD HOUSE?

Sign: yea, sure whatever.

Phantom: WAA! (runs into another sign)

Sign: I'M A POSTER DAMMIT!

Phantom: Whoa, paper goods never used to speak to me before… (reads poster) My life is on _BROADWAY?_

Sign- POSTER DAMMIT-Poster; You got it- on for, like, 19 or whatever years.

Phantom: If it is, then there must be… (ground starts rumbling) gasp- FANGIRLS! (overture starts)

Pack of fangirls: OMG IT'S ERIK

Phantom: (running in other direction) WAAAAAAAA!

Pack of Fangirls: (chasing Phantom) WE LOVE YOU!

Phantom: HEEELP! EMOTICONS!

Pack of Fangirls; (turning into emoticons OMG HELP) LOL! WE LURV U! 3

Mysterious voice coming from open door: Quick! In here!

Phantom: AAH! (runs in, door slams behind him just as the emoticon phans are passing) Phew, that was- (light turns on, revealing a 7th grader)

Phantom: WAA! PHAN- (runs into wall) _Mmrrl!_ (stumbles back and falls)

Girl: wrong way genius. Plus, I'm not a phan girl.

Phantom: (lifts head) your not?

Girl: Nope, I'm just a nerd, which aren't half as bad. Speaking of which, where is Christine?

Phantom: I dunno, why?

Girl: because the only thing ≥ fangirls… (lights dim) are fanboys

Lightning: CRACKKK!

Phantom: F-f-_fanboys?_

Girl: Yea, they're loners. Totally creepy.

Phantom: How can we save her? Fangirls are bad enough.

Girl: How can we not? You find Christine- I'll deal with the phans.

…

Girl: _the coast is clear… go. Go!_

Phantom: (tip toes out)

Fangirls: THERE HE IS!

Phantom: WAAAA! (bolts)

Fangirls: (Begin chasing him, when-)

Voice: The Phantom of the Opera SUCKS!

Fangirls: (freeze in shock)(turn)

Girl: Heh… heh… WAAA! (turns and bolts in opposite direction of the Phantom)

Now angry pack of Fangirls: (Chase) IT DOES NOT GET BACK HERE YOU- (Profanity, insults, disses, quotes, et cetera)

…

Phantom: Phew! I'm tired! (sees chair) I'm gonna sit down. (sits) Wow, I'm glad I found this-

Chair: CLAMP! (restraints suddenly dart out and restrain Erik's hands, legs, neck, et cetera)

Phantom: WAH! (lights dim, several sets of eyes begin to appear out of the darkness) Wh- who's there? (eyes draw closer)

Girl: (suddenly appears rampaging out of nowhere with a sharp object) FLEE! I HAVE A SHARP OBJECT!

Eyes: flee! (pop!) (eyes disappear)

Girl: (still rampaging)

Phantom: DON'T KILL MEEE!

Girl: AAA-II! (attacks restraints)

Restraints: OW! Jeeze, you could have just asked! No one has any manners these days… (opens)

Phantom: who was-

Girl: (with several cuts and bruises on her face) Fan fiction writers. They're totally off the hook- they go around and touchier their favorite characters, yourself in this case.

Phantom!?!? (stares agog)

Girl: But in the end, you generally kiss either Mme Giry or Christine, so every one is happy (except Raoul)- but half the time they kill you. Or Christine.

Phantom: And their _PHANS?_

Girl: Phans in general are high

Phantom: Oh I NOTICE

Girl: But hey- they're cool.

Phantom: What_ever_. Lets go. (starts walking) Umm… are you coming?

Girl: (affectionate stare)

Phantom: **…** OK PLEASE STOP RIGHT NOW

Girl: (shakes her head to rid herself of the stare) (giggles) sorry. Come on lets go.

…

Look- I am a phan and a fan fiction writer (LE GASP), and I think that phans in general from what I know are high- on The Phantom of the Opera, at least. I'm going to shut up now.


End file.
